Kenpachi could only stare at the contraption in front of him, his lip quivering. Beside him, none other than Kuchiki Byakuya was staring in shock. On Zaraki's shoulder, Yachiru was out-right bawling, hysterical with this new development. Ichigo's eyebrow twitched.

How did this shit happen to him of all people? Rukia had better be really fucking happy with herself. She always managed to get him into the most ridiculous situations ever, and then... then... Then this sort of thing happens!

As if to accentuate his thoughts, Kenpachi sniffed. Sniffed, as if he were about to cry. Kenpachi and cry did not fit in the same sentence.

And what was worse was that somewhere on the other side of Kenpachi, tucked into the couch, sniffling just as much as everyone else, he could just barely see Yuzu's leg. They were contaminating her, he was sure of it.

"Ken-chan! Look, Ken-chan!" Yachiru suddenly piped up, through her tears and her nonstop pulling on a lock of Byakuya's hair. "You're crying! This is sad, isn't it? I can't believe Shinsuke cheated on both of them!

"Shut up, Yachiru, I ain't cryin'," Kenpachi denied stoutly, his eyes glued to the screen. He did not cry, he was a manly man. There was just something in his eye, that was all.

Ichigo groaned and dropped his head into his hands. This was getting worse by the minute.

"Ken-chan! Ken-chan!" Yachiru whined. "This is sad! This is sad, huh?!"

"Yeah, Yachiru, now shut up," Kenpachi snapped. "I can't hear what Meika is saying."

Silence descended and they were once again riveted on the television set and the love problems of a twenty two year old prostitute, who happened to be both beautiful and rich. And royale. And a slut, did he mention that?

"Shinsuke, oh Shinsuke-"

... how art thou, Shinsuke?

Oh, no. Ichigo was officially involved. Damn that Shakespear.

"That Meika is just a load of trouble, Shinsuke. Only I love you truly, Shinsuke..."

Let's see how many times we can say 'Shinsuke' before we age another minute! Ichigo's head somehow found his hands again and he groaned.

"Ken-chan! I think Strawberry's sick 'er somethin'!" Yachiru announced, leaning around Byakuya to stare at him worriedly. "Hey, Ichi! Are you sick?"

He shook his head, not allowing his face to leave the safety of his hands. "No, I'm not, Yachiru..."

"Oh." A pause. "You sure? You don't look so good."

"Blame Byakuya."

The noble in question scoffed. "And what did I do to deserve such blame?"

"You adopted Rukia." There was silence at this, and he knew the others were sympathizing with his plight. At least until Kaikina and Shinsuke began to make out on the television set, demanding their full attention once more.

This went on, in a similar pattern, for the rest of the trio's stay in Ichigo's home, and he vowed that never, ever again was he going to allow Yuzu to watch a soap opera, especially with the look she was giving Byakuya. The trio departed, Yachiru gracing both Kenpachi's and Byakuya's shoulders, somehow, as they never walked more than a foot apart at a time. Ichigo was only happy to see them gone.

"Ichi-nii, am I a princess?"

Oh no... "Sure, Yuzu. Why not?" he groaned, vowing to kill Rukia for this. Brutally. This was all her fault, due to that stupid matchmaking agency she and Yoruichi had set up, thanks to their 'success' with him and the getaboshi. Dammit, maybe he should just join Aizen. Surely the man didn't tolerate this nonsense...